This morning, I’ve taken some time to repair my relationship with my tarot deck.
This may sound weird to some of you. How do you have a relationship to an inanimate thing such as a deck? But as I have learned from my teacher Jessica Patterson, we have relationship to everything. To me, a relationship means that you have a way of relating to a subject or object, through emotion, thoughts, actions, and beliefs. Therefore, it’s not really hard to think of having a relationship to a tarot deck. What emotions do I experience when I pull cards from my deck? With what emotions do I approach my deck in general? What are my thoughts about my deck? Beliefs? The questions go on.
The point is, my relationship with my deck has been a volatile one, and since I feel a deep need to read for others, as a teacher I know it is up to me to change my relationship to my deck so I can be a more clear conduit. In order to empower others, I have to approach and understand my own reactions to my deck, otherwise when I read I’ll be aversive or more open to certain cards instead of approaching them with pure curiosity.
This is why I decided to change my approach, and this morning has been very enlightening. I happened upon the work of Mary K. Greer, who has some fantastic guides to the tarot. I love her approach, because it is diffusive of reactivity, and enforces the tarot as a guide to personal growth and transformation. Her approach aligns very deeply with my own. I look forward to purchasing some of her books when I get paid later on this week. I started with what I could find, though, and have been using it to more deeply relate to my deck.
I started simply. I shuffled my deck, holding it in my hands with deep love and reverence. Before, I’ve often shuffled my cards with apprehension and fear. This time I intentionally sent love and reverence into my cards. This is important to me, because one of my guiding sutras when it comes to Yoga is Patanjali’s sutra I.14: “Abhyasa, the practice, is the effort to remain firmly established in one’s own true Self; it is cultivated over a long time, through earnest and reverent energy, and with great love.”
I changed two things. Instead of demanding from my cards a quick answer, I changed my focus to sticking in with my cards for the long hall – using them as part of my personal practice. Secondly, I poured reverence and deep love into them.
What I noticed was informative, beautiful, and astounding, with reverberating application to all my relationships.
When you approach something/someone as a tool to be used, when you refuse to actually deepen your relationship with that person or thing and get to know it more deeply, you become reactive to what it presents. For instance: When I have read for myself with my tarot deck, I have often come to it in desperation, looking for it to fill a hole I feel in my soul. As with any relationship, this promotes volatility. I’m not approaching it from a place of strength, I’m approaching it from a place of neediness. When I read like this, I will get a card such as 10 of Fire – Suppression, and I will react strongly to it.
I will instantly go into anxiety about what it means, about how to stop suppressing, instead of taking the time to go more deeply into my reaction. Why am I reacting so strongly to that card? What am I believing that it is telling me about myself, and what about its message scares me?
However, taking responsibility for deepening a relationship, and choosing to approach it with love, changes the entire framework of things. Believe it or not, it creates a detachment. The structure of love creates a sweet space for things to arise and be observed. This will sound familiar to some of my Yoga-minded friends as the sutra “shtira sukham asanam.” For non-Yoga people, the interpretation being that relationship to the earth (and by earth I mean oneself, which then of course means everyone and everything) should be steady and sweet. Is it really a surprise that my teacher Jessica has been teaching on this sutra for the past week? :)
In any case, this changed my entire approach to my deck. I followed some exercises suggested in an Amazon preview of Mary K. Greer’s book 21 Ways to Read a Tarot Card. I shuffled my cards to ask it “What do I most need to look at in my life right now?” I often shuffle quickly. This time I wanted to spend time with the deck. I wanted to hold it in warmth, gently, reverently. Holding my cards with the same feeling I have towards my kitty when I pet her soft silky fur.
When I finally pulled the cards, the difference in energy was palpable. I’m not going to detail which cards appeared; I am holding that for myself right now. But suffice it to say, one of the cards was one I have been working with for about a month or two already. It was clearly obvious to me that this was the card I will continue working with. The entire spread felt more supportive than other spreads I have pulled in the past.
I then continued by stating the name of my chosen card aloud. Because I’m wanting to truly get to know and understand my deck more (instead of just dancing on the surface of it), I also proceeded to pull each card in my deck and say the name aloud, looking at each one and truly seeing it while I did so. This was really powerful for me. I believe that when you name something, you acknowledge its essence, and it takes you deeper into seeing it. It reminds me of when you choose to name something or someone as teacher. I was naming each card as my Guru, as something to take me deeper into the moment and show me more of myself.
It was a tender and beautiful time.
I’ve only just begun on this journey of deeper relationship to my cards, and I am feeling that there will be reverberating aspects into my entire life in general. Just from today it is teaching me to approach all my relationships in a different way – with reverence and love. It is teaching me to show up, see what is before me, and go into it lovingly. It is showing me that in this way, I create space for all reactions that arise, so I can observe them all and be with them mindfully.
And with all this, I am even more excited to read for others and give them this same gift. This has been such a beautiful reminder that all relationship really starts with my relationship to myself.
Deep bow to you, my dear Osho Zen tarot deck – I name you as teacher with great reverence and love.
I consider it a great gift to read for others. Interested in getting a tarot reading from me? Find out what I offer: Tarot Readings
